So we've spent some time talking about divorce this week. Fun subject. The closer i get to marriage the more nervous i get about divorce. That's not to say i have no hope when i start my marriage, i seriously just think that divorce is like one of my worst fears. I can handle death of a spouse, as tramatic as that would be. But i could live with knowing that my spouse, had he had had the choice, would have decided to stay with me. I just have nightmares thinking, that maybe i married the wrong person, or that they turned out to be someone different than i thought, or things got to bad that we both just gave up, or maybe he just gave up on us.
I dont seem to see alot of good things that come out of a divorce; there always seems to be bitterness from one person to the other, the kids are definately affected, friends, other family. It just seems like everyone takes a hit from it.
I know marriage wont be easy, not a piece of cake, and no walk in the park, but i feel like we as a society have deemed divorce as an appropriate way to get out of fixable things. We dont have the same interests like we used to, so we get divorced, we had all these kids and were still not happy, we get divorced, were having problems with money, we get divorced. Now i understand, that abuse and infidelity are seperate cases, but i think the majority of those getting divorced these days are doing it over silliness.
The covenants that were made are forgotten, and the strength behind the covenant isnt exercised, thus resulting in a weak marriage. Divorce has just become focused on what's more convenient for the parents, and the kids have turned into property. I think marriages need to be re-evaluated often and can be fixed and strengthened. But we have to have the determination when we get into it, to make it work. otherwise we'll take the easy way out.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Worky Worker
This week we talked about the history of work, and then read Marvin J. Ashton's talk on how to manage our money and how that can help our marriage. I have been praying for a topic like this since i got home from my mission!
So, here's the deal. Work has always been super stressed upon in my house. If you wanted something, you had to work for it and earn it. Now, although you may not have earned the money equivalent or whatever it was, my parents would usually compensate depending on the effort they saw put forth. That seems fair right?
I've had to work since I've been in High School, and pay for college. And after all the money I accumulated during my off-track my parents would usually compensate for money for groceries or books. It's been that way since I started school here. Alright, then Bailey went and served a mission, and all the money she earned before that went towards her mission, which left her with nothing when she came home for school. However she was already enrolled to get back in 6 weeks since being home from her mission. Now maybe that was my bad, I really felt like i was to get back in school as quick as possible. And my parents have been great about it, in the sense that they have been more than happy to pay for everything with me getting back into school.
I'm not complaining here, because I know there are a million people who would switch me places. BUT I want to be supporting myself, and feel self-sufficent again. Now the situation seems to be tricky, since I'm taking such a big course level, and now on fast grad. When will I ever be able to have time to get a job and make some extra cash? And when will the endless funds from my parents stop coming? I dont know. its like this inner conflict I keep having, the natural man inside is telling me, "what are you complaining about, take advantage of the fact that your parents are so willing and eager to help you out with your finances. If they're willing, then let them." But then the other side of me says, "But is this crippling me for later? When I get married will the funds just be cut off? And if they are, will I be ready for that?" I want to be ready for that.
I feel like Marvin J. Ashton's talk talked about so many concerns that I've been having. And when i go home during the 7 week break, I intend to talk to my parents about alot of these bullet points and what i can do to be more self sufficient. I want my parents to teach me how to better balance my bank account, how to check it, how to keep a budget, how to sacrifice things now for more important things later. I'm really grateful that we talked about this, and now to see how I can implement it into my life, whether i want to or not :)
So, here's the deal. Work has always been super stressed upon in my house. If you wanted something, you had to work for it and earn it. Now, although you may not have earned the money equivalent or whatever it was, my parents would usually compensate depending on the effort they saw put forth. That seems fair right?
I've had to work since I've been in High School, and pay for college. And after all the money I accumulated during my off-track my parents would usually compensate for money for groceries or books. It's been that way since I started school here. Alright, then Bailey went and served a mission, and all the money she earned before that went towards her mission, which left her with nothing when she came home for school. However she was already enrolled to get back in 6 weeks since being home from her mission. Now maybe that was my bad, I really felt like i was to get back in school as quick as possible. And my parents have been great about it, in the sense that they have been more than happy to pay for everything with me getting back into school.
I'm not complaining here, because I know there are a million people who would switch me places. BUT I want to be supporting myself, and feel self-sufficent again. Now the situation seems to be tricky, since I'm taking such a big course level, and now on fast grad. When will I ever be able to have time to get a job and make some extra cash? And when will the endless funds from my parents stop coming? I dont know. its like this inner conflict I keep having, the natural man inside is telling me, "what are you complaining about, take advantage of the fact that your parents are so willing and eager to help you out with your finances. If they're willing, then let them." But then the other side of me says, "But is this crippling me for later? When I get married will the funds just be cut off? And if they are, will I be ready for that?" I want to be ready for that.
I feel like Marvin J. Ashton's talk talked about so many concerns that I've been having. And when i go home during the 7 week break, I intend to talk to my parents about alot of these bullet points and what i can do to be more self sufficient. I want my parents to teach me how to better balance my bank account, how to check it, how to keep a budget, how to sacrifice things now for more important things later. I'm really grateful that we talked about this, and now to see how I can implement it into my life, whether i want to or not :)
Wayward
I felt like this topic correlated with some things that I have been talking about in my religion class, as well as this class. In learning more how to be a better parent and how to discipline my own children I have learned alot from the scriptures. The scriptures are like a little parenting book from the Lord. You can see examples of parenting styles that worked and those that didnt. I have seen in my own family, through my parents example with my brother how one should deal with a "wayward" child. We spent a day talking about the council system and process one should have within their own family and between their marriage.
Here's how I've seen it. My brother Kelen, is the best. I love him to pieces. Since about middle school Kelen has struggled with a testimony and knowing if the church is true. The principles were taught however the importance for them wasn't understood on his part. I think this is normal, and alot of teenagers go through this phase. I think the question is what do we do as parents when we have a child who doesn't want to participate in our values and standards? In my Book of Mormon class we were talking about Moroni 7: 6-9, and how if one does something without real intent or grudingly then it profiteth him nothing. So what does a parent do when a child is only doing the things because their parents have asked them to do so?
In my house, although there were times of confrontation, the expectation of what me and my siblings were required to do stood, regardless of how we felt about it. On Sundays we went to church, and in High School we had to go to early morning seminary. Now, although my brother did not agree with the things that were always taught, he went because he loved my parents and respected their wishes. However, once Kelen left for school at Sonoma State in California, he chose to not attend church or anything. But I think that is when he started to notice a difference, between his life at school, and the evironment he had at home. Right before I left for my mission, we had a really good chat. Kelen, is one that wants to do things for his own count, and not because of parental pressure or social influence. You have to respect that. How many boys go on missions just because its been drilled in their heads that thats what they do when they turn 19, and then they get in the mission field and then reality hits that they dont have their parents testimonies to lean off of? I think that happens all too often. When I left for my mission i have Kelen the challenege to read the Book of Mormon and really think about the principles it was teaching over whatever grammatical errors or historic content he didn't agree with. He agreed to do so.
During my mission, Kelen transferred to BYU, he did this all on his own too. He was accepted and has been excelling in his major there. Although Kelen hasn't served a mission yet, i still feel really strongly that one day he will. And if he doesn't he's made alot of progress, And i think it is all because my parents were very open with him, and respected what he wanted, but he did the same. The relationship they have had has always been an open one, and although what Kelen has wanted to do, has not always been what my parents have wanted for him, the why's of the gospel have been explained. Kelen hasn't just been given the "To-do" list of the gospel like i think we often do as parents. Kelen is slowly understanding the doctrine behind each commandment and recieving a testimony for himself.
Here's how I've seen it. My brother Kelen, is the best. I love him to pieces. Since about middle school Kelen has struggled with a testimony and knowing if the church is true. The principles were taught however the importance for them wasn't understood on his part. I think this is normal, and alot of teenagers go through this phase. I think the question is what do we do as parents when we have a child who doesn't want to participate in our values and standards? In my Book of Mormon class we were talking about Moroni 7: 6-9, and how if one does something without real intent or grudingly then it profiteth him nothing. So what does a parent do when a child is only doing the things because their parents have asked them to do so?
In my house, although there were times of confrontation, the expectation of what me and my siblings were required to do stood, regardless of how we felt about it. On Sundays we went to church, and in High School we had to go to early morning seminary. Now, although my brother did not agree with the things that were always taught, he went because he loved my parents and respected their wishes. However, once Kelen left for school at Sonoma State in California, he chose to not attend church or anything. But I think that is when he started to notice a difference, between his life at school, and the evironment he had at home. Right before I left for my mission, we had a really good chat. Kelen, is one that wants to do things for his own count, and not because of parental pressure or social influence. You have to respect that. How many boys go on missions just because its been drilled in their heads that thats what they do when they turn 19, and then they get in the mission field and then reality hits that they dont have their parents testimonies to lean off of? I think that happens all too often. When I left for my mission i have Kelen the challenege to read the Book of Mormon and really think about the principles it was teaching over whatever grammatical errors or historic content he didn't agree with. He agreed to do so.
During my mission, Kelen transferred to BYU, he did this all on his own too. He was accepted and has been excelling in his major there. Although Kelen hasn't served a mission yet, i still feel really strongly that one day he will. And if he doesn't he's made alot of progress, And i think it is all because my parents were very open with him, and respected what he wanted, but he did the same. The relationship they have had has always been an open one, and although what Kelen has wanted to do, has not always been what my parents have wanted for him, the why's of the gospel have been explained. Kelen hasn't just been given the "To-do" list of the gospel like i think we often do as parents. Kelen is slowly understanding the doctrine behind each commandment and recieving a testimony for himself.
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